Hello boys, I'm BAAAACCKKKK !!!!

Been a while guys. Rough time with the ex, learning about myself, and really hunkering down with this compassion shit, and uhh, like it says at the bottom of every page on here:

I'm working on being nice to everyone. It's really hard.

First off, let me apologize, because this next bit is going to sound pretentious, but if you've met me, you know that I'm really not. Ready? GO.

Jenny was my first love, first infatuation, first roommate, first, 1st, 157, 1st. blah blah you get it; and when you reach a certain intellectual caliber, you realize the world is shit, and that pretty much everything BUT love and its vectors is pointless. /endpretentious

So we fought, like everyone does, and it got bad, it got real bad. Shit I'm not proud of, the only thing I can really say is that I never hit her, but her furniture, her feelings, our apartment. Yeah... Holes in the walls, etc.

We broke up, and it was mutual, but it didn't stay that way. Spent these last months guilting myself, fucking up my semester at UWM, etc.

But I have my friends to thank for helping me pull through. Shout out right hurr just because you fucking deserve it.

WINNERS:MICHEAL GREEN, CHAD IVERSON, JOSH SUKKERT (in no particular order)

With them, I've shared everything. Everything's on the fuckin' table, and we play cards with that shit. (MTG too, +10 nerd points)

But yeah, I've had so many epiphanies, the kinda shit just SMASHES you with a hammer and everything you thought you knew, just to get up again. Humor me for a second, and pretend your me, and imagine you feel like Captain America at 0:19 in this video. That's the kind of smashing I'm talking about. Hahaha.


Thanks to said smashing, thankfully, I've learned how I personally have learned to love, and another shoutout to my wonderful, kind, and loving mother who drowned me in love. I can never thank you enough.

But yeah, I always wondered why Jenny had a problem with me making friends with girls, because I NEVER cheated on her, but I guess I kind of did. Because "cheating" is such an outdated term. People define it as physical contact, or emotional bonding, or the sharing of love. I'm guilty of the last, and it doesn't seem like a big deal right? But Jenny had this #1 complex, like most girls do (yes you, girls). It's biology, I don't blame her, she told me, I obliged. But somewhere along the line, I got lost in the time, lost in my journey of life, and I started sharing my love with everyone again, because that's who I am.

And when it works like this Jennyslove-->Alex(me,derp)-->X=Jenny minus Love
I mean it gets convoluted, because I love her so much, and still do, I'll always care for her. But it came down to me violating her #1 complex, and the resentment just slowly built, like a solid concrete wall, until we were screaming so loud through the wall we both just picked up mallets and smashed it down, to be buried in the rubble.(Stupid people: But you're broken up now, get a life) [Yeah yeah stfu.]

It's all because somewhere along the line, I forgot what I had signed up for. I resented her so much for blocking my female friends, being needy without asking for affection, but I helped her anyway, or I tried, and I think it worked. There was one point in time where she was convinced that something she read in a psychology book was an affliction that she suffered from. Whether it was true or not, IDK, and I don't really care, but I realize that changing someone is not something a lover is supposed to do. Or if they are (idk) I probably should've been nicer; because I've wanted what I had with her since I could fucking remember, since middle school and puberty and fucking vomiting on my shoes (Collean, hahahah); and I just forgot what love is:
not keeping tallies
no grudges
honesty
and kissies :3


Damn, that was really fucking hard to write. ;_;
But yeah, I feel fucking fantastic now. I don't want to say that I'm happy we broke up, but I am thankful for everything it's done for me. I realize who I am again. What I want to be, haha, and it feels so fucking good, you have no idea, or maybe you do ;D.

This compassion train, you gotta hop on it. Loving everyone is so fulfilling, favors, a smile, listening to people, politeness. Most people don't appreciate but I do it anyway because it's fucking hilarious. Like if I see a chick with a cute outfit, or cute shoes, I'm gonna compliment her. But girls are silly (Omg, ew, like, why is he like, talking me, ew.). People are afraid you, they're scared, don't blame them. People suffer through so much shit. [rant]Especially black people, they take so much shit, racists, the political and economic blockade on their class and color, etc [/endrant]
But there's this one letter that I read a long time ago, I stumbledupon it. And I'll edit this post as soon as I can find it and put it right here -->:

But it shared an idea, a perspective on existence and consciousness that made me realize what the world would be like if everyone shot kisses instead of bullets.

Well, Gotta go to work. 10-4. Delivery at Jimmy Johns. Haha, I'm so broke, I'm gonna take the 20$ bank they give me at the start of my shift, and put it in my gas tank. Shits runnin on fumes. My car, its so thusty. :P

Hope y'all have a good day.
Cheers!